Ya'll. I have issues. I really do. I've been praying a lot lately about why I blog, and why I don't. I don't way more than I do. And I've been asking myself and God why. Here's what I've come up with.
It's not because I don't have stuff to say. I do. I really, really do. God is always abundantly faithful to regally convict me when I need material. You see I promised Him I would only teach what He's taught me. He never fails. Conviction is consistent. Material is bountiful.
It's not because I don't like it. I love reading comments. I am a "words of affirmation" gal. Satan tells me all the time that nobody cares about what I write. That it is a waste of time. Your words help me combat that deceptive whisper.
It not because I don't have time. It really doesn't take that long. It takes longer in my head than it does in reality. Do you do that? Dread doing something because you tell yourself you don't have time. It will take too long you say; only to discover it probably takes less time than the eight other things you did while putting it off?
So if those aren't the reasons. What are the reasons?
It's a little bit because this process feels a little self-absorbed. When I write I think about you. And what you'll think about me and what I write. Will it sound haughty, smart, witty, wrong? I should write just for Jesus. I know. But you are there looking back at me from the screen. Out there. In cyber space and in reality-simultaneously intimidating. And I'm stuck thinking about you, me and if you'll like me or not. It's silly but true.
There are more reasons I'll share later. Again, material abounds.
But can I ask you a question? What aren't you doing that you really want to do? Lose weight? Read to your kids? Love on your husband? Start a bible study? Clean out your refrigerator? Stop watching T.V.?
We all have "those" things. You know them. The thing that eats at you partly from misplaced guilt partly from neglected conviction.
It will fall into one of two categories. There are things we wish we would do that God never called us to. Then there are the things we don't do that we know God is calling us to. The critical issue is knowing which we are struggling with. I know God has confirmed that blogging is one of the things He IS calling me to. So I am looking at the excuses that I use to avoid it in hopes of being more obedient. But that's step two.
Here's my challenge after walking through this process. Do step one. Think about what you're not doing. Don't start with "why don't I..." or "why can't I...". Instead ask, "Does God want me to...". Answer that question first. This is really hard to do. You will be hounded by all the reasons and ways you are inadequate. I've been wading through my list for weeks now. It ain't fun. Don't get stuck. First answer the main question. Where is the source of my guilt-condemnation or conviction; self or Spirit? I have some thoughts on the difference. I'll share more later this week.
Meantime, I'd love to hear your thoughts. I promise to let them nourish my heart not enlarge my head.