I know I probably shouldn't tell you that, but hey you could look at my post frequency and come to the same conclusion on your own. So, I'll save you the trouble. I'm a poser, a wanna-be.
I just have such a hard time getting stuff out of my noggin and onto this screen. It could be because I have a four year-old, a two year-old and an eight month old...oh, and they're all boys. But come on, any Mom knows you really can't use that excuse. Kids are kids. One is hard when you have one. Two is hard when you have two. Three is hard when you have, well you get the picture. I'm betting that gal on TLC birthing her like, 20th kid would say this ain't no
cakewalk, you know?
So my blogging infrequency isn't really about that. It also can't be for a lack of material because, as previously stated, I've given birth to three boys in four years. My house is some kind of crazy. Hilarity happens on a regular basis. Now I will say that it regularly happens that by the time I sit down to actually blog about said hilarity I can't remember it. Even then, however, that's really only a part of my problem.
I have discovered recently that I am a little freaked out by the whole prospect of blogging. I agree with it in principle and in practice. I love the idea of a cyber community. I love sharing life and offering what little encouragement I can. I love seeing inside another person's world. I love seeing Jesus in the little things that happen in your world and mine.
But putting something down that will likely be "out there" (wherever "out there" is) for all eternity is more than a little intimidating. And everything I read about blogging says that whatever you put out there is a part of your branding, your image. What?! That's like more pressure than high school. I didn't love it the first go round so you can get why I'm more than a little worried about what you think about me.
Does anybody else out there struggle with this? I'm afraid if I write too often or tweet too much then you'll think that I think my life is all that. People in high school thought I was stuck up because I was too insecure to inject myself into random conversations and peer groups. I wanted too be friends with everybody. I just couldn't let myself relax enough to hang out. That's only one tiny part of my problem, but let's move on. I think I'm already at novella status!
Okay so you probably know more about me than you wanted to, and in the unlikely event that anyone is STILL reading, hang with me. I do have a point.
I'm working through my issues because, well, Mommy's don't get to have issues. We're too busy obsessing about the issues we're giving our kids...anywho...
I really do want to hang out with you more often than once a quarter. So I'm just going to try and get over myself. Will you still be my friend? Cause right now I'm a little nervous. I don't even know if I can do this, but I want to. I started blogging because I wanted to share what God was doing in my life with people who might see His activity and be challenged or (God willing) changed by it.
Since I started blogging for reasons that had nothing to do with me, I think I shouldn't not do it because of reasons that are all about me. How egotistical would that be?
So here's my point. What are you not doing because of you? Have you built something up in your head to be bigger than it really is? Are you putting off something God has called you to do because you're freaked out by well, you? Are the messages in your head keeping you from moving forward into what's next? Are you more than a little worried about what other people will think of you?
Let's dive in together. I'm sick of me. You?
Oh, and I WILL see you tomorrow.